Counterfeit Faith by Crystal Caudill

Author:Crystal Caudill
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kregel Publications
Published: 2023-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 21

JOSIAH’S HEAD JERKED FORWARD AS the carriage rumbled over the train tracks, startling him awake. He rubbed his eyes and surveyed the passing businesses and above-stairs homes. By the sulfuric smell of the gas works, he was still blocks away from reaching Final Chance.

Exhaustion and worry over Gwendolyn had dampened his ability to focus all throughout the morning’s blur of activity and information. He’d slept with his window open and his ears attuned for the moment Speedy would pound on his door to announce some calamity had befallen her. Though the pounding never came, he awoke at every sound in the night. If only he’d gotten the chance to speak to her before she’d left with Mrs. Flowers. Then he might’ve been able to provide her a weapon of some sort. Something to ease his mind over the danger she faced.

“Don’t you be taking the Lord’s job, Josiah. It’s His to do the protectin’, yours to do the trustin’.” Shauna’s voice rolled through his head, and he could almost feel the tap to the nose she’d always done to emphasize her admonitions.

But Josiah had done his job. It was God who’d failed. God hadn’t protected Shauna from the train accident, and now Josiah wasn’t sure he could trust Gwendolyn to God’s protection either.

“It’s Him who numbers our days, and there’s naught you can do about it.”

He ran a hand over his face and stared out the window. He hadn’t given God this much consideration since Shauna died, and now he vacillated between praying to Him and being angry all over again. Although he supposed he’d never really stopped being angry, and that anger was the true crutch of his doubt. Gwendolyn’s words rose to mind next, and it was as if the two women in his life that had an unnatural way of worming into his heart had joined together to beat Him with their Bibles.

“Doubt is the struggle to believe God’s promises when confronted with the darkness of this world. It’s the wavering between accepting God and His unsearchable ways or believing what our limited experiences might tell us.”

Josiah bit the inside of his cheek. What was it about Gwendolyn and Shauna that drove him to God even when he didn’t want to go?

God, both women seem to think You worthy of their love and devotion, but I confess I’m angry. Angry, hurt, and resentful that You did not intervene to save Shauna. You could have, but You didn’t. And now Gwendolyn faces a different danger. Are You going to act this time? You say You are good. You say You are just. But I can’t see it. Gwendolyn says to bring my doubts to You and ask for Your help to confront them. Well, here they are. I don’t want to be angry anymore. I want to know I can trust You, but You’re going to have to help me. I’m not sure I have enough faith left to be able to believe on my own.

The carriage

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